Know Your No

Do you know that if you don’t learn to say “no” appropriately, you can wind up being a sycophant to everyone and everything? Moreover, where do you wind up?

• You are stuck in the bad marriage;
• You are trapped in the bad job;
• You are wearing bad clothing;
• You are traveling to bad places;
• You have bad friends; and
• You simply make bad choices.

Saying yes when we should say no is a pervasive problem. There is no better example of the temptation that exists today then how often and by what means we are bombarded by advertising. Product placement is everywhere. You can’t even log on to your computer e-mail or look at any app on your smart phone without a pop-up ad.

You may even feel like a human piñata.

The first lesson gleaned when you learn to say “no” is that the power you’re exercising is giving you back the one thing that you truly have a limited amount of — your TIME. It really gives you back your life. And at this point in history, demands upon your time are omnipresent. We live in an always-connected 24/7 society.

How can you apply the ability to say “no” to specific areas of your life?

In the area of health and fitness, you can:

• Say “no” to unhealthy habits and foods. You know what they are, which should be avoided completely, and which may be enjoyed as an occasional treat or in moderation
• Say “no” to things that take time away from exercise and healthy activities. Instead of watching television where clicking a remote is your only form of exercise, what about viewing a program as you walk upon a treadmill or pedal an exercise bike?
• Say “no” to unnecessary stress. How often do you pile more things upon your shoulders that are really not worth the aggravation?
  In the area of finance, career and work, you can:
• Say “no” to those things that create an unhealthy balance between passion and practicality in these areas? Sometimes you have to avoid things that are impractical, but conversely, sometimes you need to engage in things that feed your passion while appearing to be less-than-sensible.
• Say “no” to finishing. Despite what your parents may have told you as a child, sometimes quitting is okay. If the book is boring, the movie tedious, or you’re not enjoying those golf lessons, go ahead and quit. It’s permitted.
• Say “no” when your inner voice tells you to. If a mentor, guru, faith or course of action doesn’t feel right, learn to trust your gut, your intuition. It probably isn’t right for you if it doesn’t feel so.

In the area of relationships, from casual to intimate to acquaintances to family to friend to partner, you can:

• Learn to be firm but nice. Saying “no” in relationships doesn’t have to be nasty.
• Learn to say “no” to others’ expectations. You may not have to get married at age 20 or ever, engage in sex as a preteen, or follow a peer group on that pub crawl. If you’re simply pleasing others, you may be shortchanging yourself.
• Learn to say “no” to “maybe.” Maybe is often the worst answer to give in a social situation. It’s usually better to be honest up front and decline. You may not avoid a potential confrontation over your prompt, negative response. But a “maybe” sets you and the other in a social interaction up for disappointment later anyway.

No is a powerful word. Moreover, using it appropriately and firmly retrieves the power that you are essentially giving away to others. It also returns to you time that would otherwise be lost. Each of us has a limited number of days, hours and minutes to spend. Knowing your “no” is one key to spending it wisely.