How to Get it Done in ‘21
© 2020 Ann Babiarz & Associates LLC
The Resolution Revolution
Change your thoughts, change your energy, change your world!
I hope this finds everyone happy, healthy, enjoying the holiday season and looking forward to more joy and more fun in ‘21!
How many times have you set about the New Year with a list of resolutions and the best of intentions to accomplish them only to break them in a few weeks? Did you know that well over 50% of people who set New Year’s resolutions every year do not achieve their goals?
Changing your thoughts is the first step in changing your life. Bringing your dreams into focus is a solid step in creating a life that you love. When you begin to think differently, your entire world begins to change. You actually become a different person! You will begin to see things differently. Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best when he titled his book, “You’ll See it When You Believe It.”
How important you think you are is the most important statement about you, your character, your personality and the results that you get in your life. How much you like, respect and value yourself determines your level of happiness, health and self-confidence. How do you treat yourself? Where are you on your list?
One of the most prevalent ways in which we give away our power is through believing our worst reviews, or low self-esteem. When we struggle with low self-esteem it causes us to make decisions in which we give our power away. Who are the beneficiaries of our generosity? To name just a few:
- Addictive Substances
- Bosses
- Doctors
- Gremlins
- Lovers
- Money
- Parents
- Politicians
If you do not value who and what you are, you will look outside of yourself for your self-worth. You will refer to others whom you deem more knowledgeable than you for validation. You do this, of course, when you forget that everything you can know about being on the right path for you is inside.
Action is the next important element in becoming your best you and living your best life. One of the most outwardly identifiable characteristics of successful people is that they are continually taking action to move in the direction of their predominant goals. What actions are you taking to create the life that you dream of? The more someone fails, the more they succeed, it’s all about action.
Another element of success is focus. What are you thinking and talking about most of the time? Are you putting your words, energy and thought toward the things that you want in your life, or toward the things that you don’t want in your life? Whatever you think about, most of the time, is what you will find showing up in your life, whether positive or negative.
What expectations do you have? Your expectations will determine your attitude. If you are approaching a situation with the expectation that you will fail, it’s unlikely that you will try very hard to change the outcome. If you expect that you will succeed, you will likely take actions to determine that you do.
How are you using your time? In Bonnie Raitt’s “Nick of Time” she said “life gets precious when there’s less of it to waste.” Time is a gift. How are you enjoying your present? Everyone has 24 hours in each day to spend, save, or waste. The beauty of living in these times is that we’ve added 15 years to our lifespan! What changes would you be committed to making to create the life that you want?
How many thoughts of resolution have you already entertained for the year 2021? How would you like to take your life from BOOHOO to BOOYAH by following through on your resolutions this year?
Who do you want to be in 2021? Where do you want to go in 2021? How will your life be different if you make the changes necessary to go from where you are to where you want to be in the next year? If you can answer these questions for 2021-FANTASTIC. If you can’t, and you couldn’t in previous years, it’s no wonder you didn’t accomplish what you set out to. You may not have determined your motivators, which is another critical step in making a change.
Sharpen your focus by defining first where you are and second where you want to be in the following areas:
- Physical Health and Well-Being
- Finances
- Career
- Friends, Family, Love, Romance, Pets
- Fun and Recreation
- Living Space
- Art and Creativity
- Personal Growth/Spirituality
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there!
George Harrison, “Any Road”, Brainwashed, 2002
English singer & songwriter (1943 – 2001)
Be Grateful
A grateful heart is an open door to the universe. Adding a daily practice of gratitude will keep your heart open and your focus on the positive.
Grant Forgiveness, No Permission Required
When I was a project manager in the corporate world, the expression, ask forgiveness and not permission was the mantra of the successful project managers. Here, instead of asking for it, you are granting it.
Granting forgiveness to those in your life who may have disappointed you as well as forgiveness to yourself if you’ve disappointed is one of the best things that you can do to make a joyous and fun 2021.
Imagine taking the weight of everyone that you have forgiven off your shoulders. How freeing is that? What better way to start the year than by feeing yourself of unnecessary baggage!
The Why
Why are you committed to make this change? Is it because you want to change or because someone else wants you to change? What are the risks, costs, and benefits to making this change? What are the risks, costs and benefits to not making the change?
The How
Often times, one of the most daunting parts of making a change is that it may seem overwhelming. Breaking your resolution down into manageable, specific, and achievable steps and marking them off as you complete them will help you to notice the progress that you are making and will keep you motivated.
The Who
Sometimes when we are defining the how, we will find ourselves also defining who can help us in making the change. Creating a sense of accountability by making your resolution known to your coach, your family, your friends or your co-workers will keep you focused on your goals.
Be Gentle with Yourself
According to Brian Tracy, the law of habit largely determines your future. This law states that probably 95% of everything that you do is based upon your habits. Good habits are hard to form, but easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to form, but hard to live with. Decide upon the habits that are most supportive of your success and work on developing them until they become automatic. In my research, I have found that it takes between 21 and 28 days to establish a new habit.
If you do experience any lapses, don’t waste energy on the “beat up” process. It does not mean that you have missed your mark. Refocus on your motivators (keep your eye on the ball) and continue to move forward.
Here are a few more pointers for successful behavior change:
- Believe that you are able to change.
- Take responsibility for your actions. Don’t waste your valuable resources or zap your personal power on excuse making or self-blame.
- Concentrate on the process, not necessarily the results. Sometimes we make good decisions but due to circumstances beyond our control, the result isn’t what we hoped.
- Understand your what and your why.
- Define why your resolution is important.
Breaking Resolve
People break their resolutions for many different reasons. As a coach, one of the prevalent reasons I see for those who have broken their resolve is the tendency to give their power away. We are next going to explore some of the ways in which this happens. It’s time to go within and examine how you are using your personal power. With conscious examination, you may find ways to boost your personal power and to use it more efficiently or you may find that you are giving your power away altogether. Can you imagine Comed or BP having a sale on gas or electric or for that matter, giving it away? We humans give our power away all the time. That’s right: we don’t even sell it!
Who’s in Charge Here?
When I co-wrote The Graveyard Gambit with my husband, I found that it was great fun to define the lives of the characters in the book. Through our thoughts, much interesting dinner conversation, and thousands of computer keystrokes, we were creating the lives of the characters one thought at a time.
I found this principle translates into my life as well as into the lives of my clients. I created the workshop, “The Art of Writing Your Story” to teach individuals how to create empowering associations to past events and then to use those empowering associations to act as a springboard to craft their futures in advance. Recreating past connections from disempowering to empowering allows you to come from a different and more positive perspective. Recreating the past gets one “unstuck” and places you in the “driver’s seat” of life. What events have shaped you? What empowering associations can you make to create your springboard?
As Dr. Stephen Covey says, “begin with the end in mind.” Coming from an empowered place allows you to come up with a different plan, because you are coming from a future, rather than past oriented perspective. It’s not where you’ve been; it’s where you are going that counts.
Regain your personal power by taking personal responsibility for who you are and where you are in your life. Knowing that you are in control of your life grants you with power to move forward and to create it on your terms. Being able to respond with ability gives you the power to handle what comes your way with more ease. When you are not giving your power away to circumstances or people outside of you, it becomes much easier to take action. It’s very difficult to drive with your hands off the wheel.
The key question here is who is leading your life? If it is not you, then who is it? If the person who is leading your life is not you, the follow-up question is why?
Benjamin Franklin noted, ”Most people die at age 25, but they are not buried until 75.” Physical death is mandatory, but spiritual death is optional. And it is tragic. Are you living a life that reflects your personal choices or have you let others choose for you? If you want to keep your soul alive and honor your spirit, start by living your life on your terms. If you don’t make your own choices, someone else will.
For example, choose before someone chooses for you is a common phrase used in connection with estate planning. Estate planning allows you to make decisions about such things as your care, the extent of medical treatment if you are ill and unable to speak for yourself, and if you should die, who would receive your assets. If you don’t engage in estate planning, you are essentially leaving very important choices to others. If you are not making decisions about your life in other areas, you are doing the same thing. If you are not in control squatters move in. This is a prescription for disaster.
When you realize that your best source of answers is you, it will change your life. Why? It will save you the trouble of looking outside of yourself for the answers that you seek.
One of the guiding principles in coaching is that the clients have the answer. It’s all about asking the right questions.
Save Yourself!
When you place people on a pedestal, you are headed for disaster. If you think that anyone has what it takes to save you from your perceived deficits, guess again. That’s not to say that there are not people who can help, support and teach you; there are. If someone could save you, they wouldn’t be doing you any favors. The best thing that they can do for you is to help and support you by helping you recognize that you already own what you seek.
The Highest Form of Flattery
Ralph Waldo Emerson declared, “Imitation is suicide.” To one that does not recognize his or her own worth, imitation is attractive. To those who do, imitation represents an unacceptable compromise. Simply put, imitation is a form of giving your creativity away.
Imitation can be great if you have a good role model and can grow beyond it. For instance, when I began teaching fitness classes, I used the choreography that I learned in the classes I attended and the videotapes I purchased. After a time, I grew just plain bored with the routines and began choreographing my own routines. Once I began to use my own choreography, my classes were much better. My students and I had a lot more fun.
In most cases, imitation is fine for a while, like training wheels. Once you get going, you’ll find it is time to drive without them.
Imitation in relationships can be damaging if we subconsciously hold poor role models. For instance, if as a child you observed people who were living less than satisfactory lives, you may have accepted those life circumstances as being normal. You then carry the propensity to re-create those life circumstances. On the other hand, if you were lucky enough to have positive, empowering role models, congratulations. What kind of relationships are you involved in now?
We come to this earth as creative beings. Whether you realize it, you are a creative being and giving your creativity away causes a definite shortfall in your personal power supply. What kind of a life have your created so far? If it’s a mess, BLESS IT! If nothing else, it proves that you have the power to create!
I’m Not Listening
Sometimes the little voice speaks in the form of a whisper. How many times have you ignored your inner voice? Sometimes your intuition comes in the form of a little voice, a little old lady, or a lot of red flags. It also works on the flipside; when something is right for you, you just know it.
Why are we so disconnected? We have been trained to go to our head for answers, while it is our heart that is our source of true wisdom. More and more, successful leaders are highlighting their intuition as a major part of their success. When Colin Powell was being drafted to run for president in the early stages of the 2000 race, he declined, noting, “What wasn’t pulling me was my inner compass and my sense of who I am.”
Note that you have access to impeccable wisdom all the time; it’s just that your tuner is not set to receive the signals. Children and animals have their tuners set. They know who they are and they can sense people and situations that match their well-being or threaten it. Why, as adults, are our tuners off? As we became socialized, we are encouraged to turn that tuner off. We are taught, among other things, limiting beliefs that would cause not to trust our inner selves and to place more weight on those things going on “outside of ourselves” and looking to others for outside approval. Our inner voice gets drowned out. It’s always there. We simply don’t hear it.
Keep in mind that trusting in your divine intelligence will provide you with more freedom and power than you can imagine. You are worthy, important and significant. You are connected to a higher power and it speaks through you.